The humorist Will Rogers use to say, "Well, all I know is what I read in the papers." He made a living reciting the humor he found in the papers. He made fun of many politicians but said, "I never met a man I didn't like." So here is some more of his wit:
An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.
An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented that can make them laugh.
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you find a rock.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do today. (Wouldn't he really be embarrassed today.)
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
When I die I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Lettin' the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier 'n putting it back in.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop digging.
Strangers are just friends I just haven't met yet.
Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.
You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is.